Before I learned how to say what I want I always assumed I was saying what I want. If I pointed out to my partner what was wrong, then they should understand. WRONG! I need to focus on me. It's more effective and your partner will not get defensive and instead will want to listen and understand. Make sure you start by saying something good. A skill learned in Mastering the Mysteries of Love.

"You never listen to me."
Best: "I feel unloved when I'm not heard."

"You took my bike, gve it back."
Best: "I like to be asked permission to use my bike, and then I would be more than happy to let you borrow it."

"Don't you know how to clean?"
Best: "I love your great qualities and how smart you are. You can ____ and _____. When you get a chance I want to show you how to clean the _____ because I know you'll learn fast."

"You should pay more attention to me!"
Best: "I understand you are busy, and I love that you take care of the car to make sure we are safe and have reliable transportation. However, I feel that we haven't had time for us and I would like you to spend some time with me tomorrow alone." (Starting with something good and specific to the need.)